Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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