you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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