She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
