You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
