Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
