I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
