We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
