So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
