God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
