my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
