Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
