D3 body, D1 cock
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
