It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
