I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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