he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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