brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
