this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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