my phone cant type all the emotion im having
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
two words...techno handjob
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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