Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
