he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
