My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
