the day after is always just damage control
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
