I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
