Don't make out with my wife yet
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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