I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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