im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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