just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
