dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
