GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
