oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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