The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
