dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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