It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
