you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
