Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
