I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
