just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
