Yo dont text me then not text me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
