think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
