I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There's always time for handjobs
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
