Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
