id be glad to
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
