I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
