that's an acceptable place to lick
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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