i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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