It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This show inspires me to have sex in space
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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