I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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