Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
