friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
where are you?
Hypothermia
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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