I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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