I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
